ಮದುವೆ ಮಾತು : ಎಲ್ಲರ ಕಥೆಗೆ ಕನ್ನಡಿಯಾದ ಜಾಲ ತರಂಗ !
That was an interesting article. However, this is not just a problem of the Indian population here or in India. It is the same story of the European, Iranian, Turkish or Japanese parents or children. In fact thirty plus years ago I gave the exact same answers to my mother.
However, are our concerns the result of being stuck to the situation in India thirty years ago? Or are we really twenty years ahead, and want to spare our children what we have seen around us for the last thirty plus years?
We all have friends who are unmarried, lonely and fill us with stories about their pets (one thought it would be boring to hear about stories of children and grand children). We have colleagues in their late thirties who are spending an enormous amount on fertility clinics. Yesterday I heard on NBC news it costs 30,000 dollars with results not guaranteed. Plus they are expressing concerns about the mothers health, and even about the health of children who may be born. So much for you can have children as late as 45.
We have seen what a 45-year-old pregnant woman has to go through. Since our children are also entering the work force, they will also hear these stories soon enough.
This is not just the problem for the women, but true for the men as well. For in general, no 25-year old woman want to marry an older man (there are exceptions of course). Since the trend is to marry some one who is the same age or not more then a couple of yeas older, men are also indirectly affected. I hope the younger generation pays attention to their parents advice.
My advice to the younger generation would be; of course it is your life. And you have every right to choose your partner. Only dont wait too long. If you have not met Mr. or Ms. perfect by the time you are 28, the chances that you will meet that person in the next ten years is very slim. Just keep in mind there is no such thing as perfect (you are not perfect), have one or two things you must have, and one or two things you dont want in a partner, and make up your mind soon .... hopefully before you are thirty? And just remember your parents want only the best for you, and have only your interest at heart. If they are little bit annoying please put up with them, after all they have put up with you for the last thirty years!!!
- Vijaya Gowda, US of A
Dear Dr. Nataraj,
Your article (http://www.thatskannada.com/column/nataraj/280704family_us.html) truly Reflects the views and experiences of all of us, who are going through the Same phase in our life here. Being the father of two girls, every bit of Your observation and experience could be applied to any one of us. You have summarized the facts in a precise format, even though a doctorate thesis could be written about this socio-cultural issue. It may not be a bad idea to an organization like AKKA to fund a research project with the goal of Identifying solutions for this problem, so that this process will not be as painful as it is. Fortunately, our daughter Smitha, found a right partner at the right age, soon after she finished her Ph. D. and they are marrying in a few weeks. We went through a similar path, but she took control over the process and picked up the groom of her choice which we wholeheartedly approved and supported. A great reading indeed! Thanks for such an objective analysis.
- Srinivasa Bhat, Detroi, Michigan
Indeed it is a wonderful article written by Dr. M.S. Nataraj. My kudos to him for writing such a thought provoking article which addresses contemporary issue faced by NRIs.
As Srinivasa Bhat rightly pointed, AKKA should take up on such issues for the benefit of kannada community.
- Ravi Konanur, City?
Dear Sri Nataraja,
Highly valuable, higly thought provoking article indeed! Congratulatios.
- Vishvanath, Northern California
Your article on second generation Indian youngsters, marriages, et al was extremely novel and thought provoking. I found it very stimulating not just as a reading material, but as a real issue.
Since I belong to what you could call the "counterparts in India" - for the second generation Indians in the USA, I found this issue very close to our own lives here.
I just want to say that the problems there in the USA, although look very unique, are not really different from the confusions faced by urban Indian families today.The parents settled in urban India might have the same story to tell about the younger generations of modern India. And we, the so-called modern generation are facing the exact same double-standards and confusions faced by our counterparts in the USA or elsewhere in the world.The exact nature of the problem might be unique, but the underlying confusion and conflict seems to be the same.
I suspect this has nothing to do with the region, but with the general progress of Indians as a society. With progress comes welcome and unwelcome changes and until some balance is found at some point, we have no alternative but to live out all the madness and confusions that ensue.
I have more thoughts of my own on this, I will perhaps write again.Thanks for another meaningful article. I hope this initiates something bigger, as you have intended.
- Jayashree in Bangalore
As usual, Nataraj has written a thoughtful article about second-generation Indian American young adults dilemma of finding a suitable life partner. However, it seems more the parents dilemma then the childrens. I wish Nataraj would publish the same article in English so that our children could read his analysis of our social situation. I wonder as to why he did not analyze the usual desire of all young mens parents to find a fair, tall, beautiful, doctor or an engineer girl for their son. It is very funny that a short brown race is looking for fair tall young women. In the olden days, young mens families shameless asked for large sums of money as dowry. These days they shamelessly ask for a high-income potential in their future daughter in law.
- Sheela Kadambi, Silver spring MD
Would you publish an english translation of this article? I think our children should read it.
You have given a nice analysis of the present day marriage system in the US. I think it is not only with the NRIs in the US or in any other country, even in India the problem with the current generation is the same. Youngsters may it be boys or girls want their marriage to be arranging at their will which parents will oppose in many cases. Because of their high salary and frequent foreign tips, most of the well-educated girls/boys want their would-be hubby/wife to be software professional. It has reached a level that one of my friend in his interview for bride, was asking that whether she is working on ASP, or DBMS or in any other fields of his interest, I found that from the other end also the quires were of the same interest. People should see that their professional life and personal life are different and the good qualities that they look for in their partner is not in which field are they working nor for which firm they work. I think most of the parents are also not having clear idea of what suits their children best.
IIT Kharagpur, India
ಡಾ. ನಟರಾಜರಿಗೆ ನಮಸ್ಕಾರಗಳು,
ಭೇಟಿ, ಪರಿಚಯ .......... ಮದುವೆ ಇತ್ಯಾದಿ ಒಳ್ಳೆಯ ಪ್ರಬಂಧ. ಇದು ಇಂದಿನ ಭಾರತದ ಸಮಾಜಕ್ಕೂ ಅನ್ವಯಿಸುತ್ತದೆ. ನಮ್ಮ ಯುವಜನರು ಅಮೇರಿಕೆಯ ಯುವಜನತೆಗಿಂತ ಯಾವುದರಲ್ಲೂ ಕಡಿಮೆ ಕಾಣಿಸುತ್ತಿಲ್ಲ. ತಮ್ಮ ಲೇಖನ ಇಲ್ಲಿಯ ಸಾಮಾಜಿಕ ಪರಿಸ್ಥಿತಿಗೂ ಇಂದು ಅನ್ವಯವಾಗುತ್ತಿದೆ.
ತಮ್ಮ ಉತ್ತಮ ಬರಹಕ್ಕೆ ವಂದನೆಗಳು.
- ಎಸ್. ಮಧುಸೂದನ ಪೆಜತ್ತಾಯ
ನಟರಾಜರು ಮದುವೆಯ ಲೇಖನದಲ್ಲಿ, ಮನಸುಗಳ ಹೊದ್ದಾಟವನ್ನು ಚೆನ್ನಾಗಿ ವರ್ಣಿಸಿದ್ದಾರೆ. ಇದು ದೇಶ-ಭಾಷೆಯ ಚೌಕಟ್ಟನ್ನು ಮೀರಿ ಬೆಳೆದಿದೆ. ಗೃಹ, ಗೃಹಿಣಿ, ಸಂಸಾರ - ಈ ಪದಗಳು ಇಂದು ತಮ್ಮ ಪ್ರಸ್ತುತತೆಯನ್ನು ಕಳೆದುಕೊಳ್ಳುತ್ತಿವೆ. ಕಳೆದ ಶತಮಾನದ ಆರಂಭದಲ್ಲಿ , ಇಂಗ್ಲಿಷ್ ಸಂಸ್ಕೃತಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಆದ ಬದಲಾವಣೆ ಇಂದು ಭಾರತದ ಮಧ್ಯಮವರ್ಗವನ್ನು ಆವರಿಸುತ್ತಿದೆ. ಭಾರತದ ಸಂಸ್ಕೃತಿಯ ರಕ್ಷಣೆ ಹಾಗೂ ಪೋಷಣೆ ಇಲ್ಲಿಯವರೆಗೆ ನಡೆದದ್ದೇ ಈ ಮಧ್ಯಮ ವರ್ಗದಿಂದ. ಸಂಸಾರ ಸಾರ ರಹಿತವಾಗುತ್ತಿದೆ. ಮದುವೆ ಇಂದು ಒಂದು ಕಾಂಟ್ರಾಕ್ಟ್ ಮಾತ್ರ. ಮುಂದೇನೋ ?
- ಮುರಳೀಧರ್, ಊರು ?
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